Halloween & Young Children

Many adults fondly remember the fun and excitement from childhood Halloweens. They look forward to sharing this fun with their children. However, our adult memories of  Halloween fun tend to come from our elementary school days, not very early childhood. Much about Halloween from a young child's perspective can actually be confusing and sometimes frightening because infants, toddlers, and preschool age children experience Halloween differently than older children. So, how can parents best support their younger kids experiences when that ghoulish time of year rolls 'round again?

Halloween seems to start in our collective consciousness as soon as the "Back to School" displays are taken down in the shops. Then out come the skeletons, monsters, gravestones and caskets, menacing-faced jack-o-lanterns, green-skinned warty hags, ghosts and bloody zombies, giant spiders, fanged bats and arched black cats--all this at kid's eye level and right next to mountains of bagged candy. What's a young child to make of it? Certainly that it is very exciting! But in truth, they don't understand it well and some noticeably display reticence or fear of some things. Developmentally, preschoolers cannot yet differentiate clearly between what is real and what is not. They accept what they see as quite real. To understand and make sense of their everyday concrete world they spend their days acting out through their play the things they see and experience so that they can understand them. Sometimes parents are taken by surprise when their child is scared of someone in costume, even a friendly clown or a white-whiskered jolly person in a red suit. Encountering someone in a mask that's actually intended to be scary can be really overwhelming.

There are so many opportunities for family fun around Halloween:  corn mazes, pumpkin patches, haunted houses, neighborhood merchant sponsored trick or treating, school carnivals and costume parades, house and yard decorations, etc. It's helpful to think about which and how many experiences would be appropriate at which ages. Keeping things pretty simple in the early years is helpful.Certainly a visit to a pumpkin patch is fun at any age. However, I've heard enough stories from parents of 4 and 5 year olds to say  that corn mazes have sparked nightmares for many kids and are best enjoyed by older children. And haunted houses are far too real for young children and also better left for later years. Some parents opt to have a little party with a few friends in costume rather than go out trick or treating. Some families go all together to a few houses of neighbors they know. Some choose to visit a pumpkin patch or bake pumpkin cookies with the very young, but they stay home and hand out candy on Halloween and keep their own regular family routines for the night. There are many years ahead to enjoy all kinds of Halloween fun and develop your family's own traditions.

Think through for each of your children if trick or treating is something the child actually wishes to do, and give them a choice. Most children age two and up like the idea of dressing up and having people see them in a costume, but on the flip side many actually freeze when a stranger opens a door and wants to hand them candy. They often have to be coached to say trick or treat and go forward for a treat. If so, probably best to wait for a future year and enjoy other aspects of the day with them. Some yard displays will put children off if they can't make sense of them or there are frightening elements for them. Let them take a pass on places that overwhelm them. Answer any questions they have briefly and honestly without saying, "Don't be afraid, it's only pretend." It's something that will take a few more years for them to be able to understand. It goes without saying to be particularly aware of safety if you do take children out trick or treating. Take a flashlight and be aware that drivers often can't see short children or dark costumes (glow sticks and glow necklaces are great for increased visibility). Beware of candles that can set costume sleeves and hems on fire, and of electrical cords from lighted displays that are draped across sidewalks and bushes that little folks can get tripped and caught in.

When thinking of costume choices for young children, avoid masks or any head piece that comes over the face or is heavy on the head. Many masks block vision and are uncomfortable. Also be aware of how hot a costume will feel when worn by an active child, and that it does not restrain or interfere with their free movement and ability to walk. If it is not comfortable for them as they move or it makes them sweat they will want to take it off after just a few minutes. Children will have the most fun if they come up with their own costume ideas. They will enjoy helping create it if your family loves DIY projects. Four and five year olds will have definite opinions about a costume and want it just so, often times exactly what they've seen on display or in the media. They also can change their minds about what they want to be dozens of times before Halloween arrives. If your child decides to help hand out treats at home, beware the possibility that they could be startled by the costumes you open the door to, especially teens and adults who have chosen violent or gruesome themed costumes. As you become aware of your child's responses you will be the best judge of what your child understands and how much holiday stimulation they can handle without having a melt down.

Many parents ask about what to do with all the trick or treat candy. There are many clever solutions out there. . .but DON'T tell your child you ate all their candy and it's gone, a popular prank parents have been playing on children the past couple years at the urging of a TV show host. It's a cruel trick young children can't understand and is damaging to your relationship and trust. Candy can indeed induce mood swings and difficult behavior, cause tooth decay and lessen the appetite for healthy meals.In small doses, though, special sweet treats are part of the fun of childhood. In our family we adopted the three day approach: as long as you eat your regular meals and drink your milk, you can eat candy whenever you want for the three days after Halloween, then the candy goes away (usually to mom and dad's workplace staff rooms). We never got a complaint about it. Some dentist's offices offer kids a candy buy back, maybe yours is one of them. Some families get a visit from the Switch Witch. When children willingly place their haul of treats at the foot of their bed, the Switch Witch comes while they are asleep and puts a much wanted toy in the candy's place. Your friends and family may have other great ideas. If you have a great Halloween idea, please share it with us all in the comments below.

Wishing you a lot of Halloween fun with your little ones!