One of the simplest practices we could ever think of implementing can make an immediate and lasting difference in our family dynamics. We all know effective communication is key in relationships. Difficulties communicating keep us from resolving issues satisfactorily. If your family is like most, we don’t seem to have proper time to communicate. We end up speaking in snippets of found time, raise issues in the heat of the moment, and try to work things out on the fly. Sometimes we communicate more through electronic devices than face to face (like the kids in the photo). Everyone in a family wants understanding. Being able to trust our family members and work through things with them is crucial to our well-being as humans. Unmet needs cause us to suffer. To meet everyone in the family’s needs, we’ve got to make time to talk. Comfortable, adequate, anticipated time. Creating a routine space and time to communicate, a family meeting, could be the best practice your family ever adopts.
Family Meetings
You need a place. You need a time. You need everyone there. That’s it. Family meetings can be 10 minutes long or half an hour. The schedule might be weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. Yes it sounds hokey like something a TV sitcom family would do, and yes, you probably have enough meetings at work that seem mostly a waste of your time. Family meetings give voice to every member and create the space for you all to do important family business. There is no one best way to fashion a family meeting. The way you structure it will morph over time as the children grow and to meet new needs that arise. But the things that don’t change and that really make them effective is they are planned into the schedule, held regularly, and that everyone has a voice. Family meetings are set aside time to promote meaningful communication and family discussion, decision making, problem solving, encouragement, cooperation, share perspectives, experiences, express personal highs and lows. It is a place to coordinate schedules and disseminate information important to all, deepen our awareness and understanding of each member. Keeping them simple and brief is important. The meetings can follow a somewhat formal structured format or be very flexible and informal. They can even incorporate elements of family fun time. Everyone takes part and contributes something according to their age/and ability. No one is less important than another, regardless of age. Even the youngest children are stakeholders in the family enterprise. These times together can result in children’s growing disposition to consider all family member needs along with their own needs. Parents who adopt this practice when their kids are little find they are thankful to have a well oiled mechanism for communication and problem solving when the kids are adolescents and young adults.
Every family member benefits from the strengthened communication and family unity that regular meetings can engender. It may seem like a dry-as-toast idea or too simplistic to make a dent in the kinds of issues your family may struggle with. I’ve known many families over the years that have tried it and been pleasantly surprised. Members feel positive and look forward to the time. They’ve found their own particular groove in how to do them. One artist friend of mine altered a board game spinner to feature a painted portrait of each of the four family members. They took turns each week spinning it at the beginning of their meetings to determine who got to talk first. Another family I know made a snack together and enjoyed it while they sat and talked then would do something fun or active together afterward, like a neighborhood walk or their own scaled down version of ultimate Frisbee.
I am putting a brief article in your Kidspace mailbox. It has concrete and easy to use suggestions on how to start using regular family meetings. I hope it will encourage us all to try this out. Anyone who is currently using family meetings, we’d love to hear about your experience with it and how your family has used the time together.
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