At Kidspace we value and affirm each child's need to become self-competent individuals. An infant reaching for a toy just out of range will eventually try to creep closer. Their face will light up with satisfaction when after many attempts the toy is finally in their grasp. It is delightful to observe the expressions of accomplishment when a toddler masters the flip trick for putting on their own coat or manages to pull on their own rain boots. Yes, we teachers could hand the toy to the baby or quickly dress each toddler from head to toe with much more efficiency than they can, but why would we? We are interested in the process and practice opportunities rather than a rush to get things accomplished. In fact, we build-in transition times and predictable routines to intentionally create opportunities for children to build experience upon experience so they can master self-help skills. We take this approach because we are thinking about the long-term goal of developing skills, not the short term goal of getting dressed to go outside. Perhaps thinking in this way can help you as a parent to gain some perspective and a bit of patience when at home there really IS a short term goal of getting out of the door on time in the morning. Setting up self-help routines and planning more built-in time for transitions can go a long way to bringing more harmony into predictably frustrating moments.
There are other long-term goals parents and teachers have for children that we don't often pay as much attention to, but when we think of it, these future outcomes are really important to us. What personal values will our children have as adults? Will they become giving and altruistic people who are generous, compassionate and caring of those around them? Just as we can model and provide practice opportunities to develop self-help skills, parents and teachers can do the same to model the value of giving and providing for the needs of others. And this can start very early in life. It is something we adults can incorporate in children's experiences through school and family life. Much has been written about the pitfalls of overindulging children, of providing and doing too much for them to their detriment. But what do we do, practically, to "grow a giver"?
Your family may already be putting this idea into practice. What are you doing with your kids to provide opportunities for them to experience giving and caring for others? Children are concrete learners, but often times it is hard for children to see the ways adults give to others. They aren't usually observing us writing a donation check or contributing to a charity through the auspices of our workplace. We have to get pretty intentional about this. How can we make our own giving a visible model for our kids? Let them put the stamps on contribution envelopes and put them in the mail box for our family, explaining how it will help the people we are sending it for? Have fun at the drive up window when we surprise the person behind us in line by purchasing their beverage for them? Let the kids choose and wrap a toy or special book to give to another child through a fire department toy drive? Teachers at Kidspace have been incorporating giving, generosity and gratitude into the children's curriculum experiences, such as having the children bring food to share with a food bank and counting things they like and are grateful for as they work putting feathers on hand print turkeys and talking about the Thanksgiving holiday. For very small children the world really does revolve around them from their point of view. The concept of sharing is very hard for those under three years of age. Yet even a very small child feels happiness when they give a gift and see the pleased reaction of the recipient.They want to repeat the experience. They love to give us parents things we love, like hugs or being helpful, and can show us great love and compassion in surprising ways. From their earliest days children can learn generosity, gratitude, service, and compassion. Doing helpful things for others together as a family, hearing adults talk about what they are grateful for rather than complaints about what's wrong or lacking, and seeing the adults in their lives valuing giving and modeling it for them will invite children to participate in the joy it brings to be a giving person who cares for others and appreciates all that is theirs in life.
There are great books to share with our kids along the journey: The Giving Tree, The Selfish Giant, Symphony of Whales, Rainbow Fish, The Mitten Tree, My Most Favorite Thing, Ribbon Rescue, The Talking Eggs, The Junior Thunder Lord, Raising Yoder's Barn, I Know a Lady, and a great teaching tool, Mr. Rogers' The Giving Box. And here is a great idea resource for you from the folks at Mom It Forward. Please share with us in the comments section your own ideas and family traditions for "growing a giver."
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