Pare Down, Enjoy More

Here we go into Thanksgiving and an extended holiday season with multiple family gatherings. For many families it is a season involving travel away from home or hosting relatives coming to visit. For parents of young children, this can be a bit of a mixed bag. We look forward to these times with loved ones, but there are real challenges and big stressors, too. For some of us, especially if there has been heartache or loss in the family, this is not an easy time of year to navigate. For others there is much anticipation and high expectations of themselves and others that has the potential to bring disappointment and burn out.

It’s a good time for parents of young children to take a moment to think through and have a conversation about what is really important to you about these gatherings. What do you love and value and look forward to in the celebrations ahead? What traditions are you/do you want to share with your children and extended families? Is what you’ve been doing working for you and your children? What would you do differently if you dared?

For many of us, holidays bring a great deal of added tasks and stresses to an already over-full schedule and tight budget. Pinterest and the magazine covers at the checkout stand are not your friends when they give the illusion that picture perfect meals, decor, and handmade gifts are achievable for most. Remember, the Martha Stuarts and food gurus behind those amazing meals and decoration illustrations literally make their livings 40 or more hours a week from creating such feasts for the eye and they employee dozens of professionals to make that one amazing image you may want to duplicate. You do not have a full time paid staff of chefs and interior designers, so it makes sense to think it through. Are you tempted to put too much upon yourself? How does that extra stress play out for you and your family?

And it’s not just our own goals that can ambush us with impractical expectations. Distant grandparents can  naively expect adult children to pack up the kids and all their gear and travel to be with them. Traveling at the hectic holdays is hard enough on most adults, but 8 hours in a car with a screaming baby or schlepping bulky kid gear onto a flight and then enduring the challenges of handling an active toddler and the glares of fellow passengers--well, you get it. It can be a blind spot for your family members to recognize how stressful such trips can be for young families. Add two sets of grandparents vying for your presence in two different locations and it really gets tricky. Adult children seldom question these expectations, but I encourage you to think through what is reasonable for you and the kids and your wallet. Families with infants, toddlers, and preschoolers who rely on routine and familiarity might consider inviting far away grandparents to fly to them instead.

Many families are discovering that less really is more when it comes to celebrations and family gatherings. Children treasure just being with you and their beloved family members. There is nothing quite like the joy of a pack of cousins running around playing together. Simple, inexpensive traditions where everyone is sharing relaxed time for recreation and fun together is what will stand out in children’s fond memories in years to come. Many families have found gathering with extended family at a recreation destination like a cabin or beach rather than someone’s home works out well. One family I know started a tradition of all their extended family serving food at a community meal on Thanksgiving then going home to play board games, watch sports, and play with the kids in the yard. Another family I know—grandparents, parents, siblings, cousins, kids in strollers, and the family dog-- all walk together in the 5K Turkey Trot fundraiser for the local food bank Thanksgiving morning before tucking in to their family dinner together later in the day. Then in December they buy each child exactly one inexpensive gift, and spend their holiday and vacation budget on a family week away skiing. The grandparents join them and just hang out relaxing at the lodge. They scaled things back to what mattered to them and how they wanted to enjoy their time together. What would you like to do as a family? Are there things you can let go of or simplify to better enjoy yourself and be able to relax and have down time? I hope you’ll share your ideas with Kidspace families in the comments box. We’d love to hear what you’ve come up with and questions you’ve had.