You've probably seen the recent illustrated board book for parents penned by an overwhelmed dad called "Go the F*#k to Sleep." All crudeness in titles aside, the book hit a nerve (and a funny bone) with sleep-deprived parents, making it a best seller. If you are in the midst of trying to puzzle out how to get everyone in the household more uninterrupted sleep, know that you are in good company. The most requested book titles in Kidspace's Parent Lending Library are those on getting babies to sleep through the night and coaxing young children through bedtime routines and sleeping in/staying in their own beds.
We parents can be surprised when sleep challenges crop up. While we may have fully anticipated the early days of sleepless nights with feedings around the clock, we usually assume we all will start getting more sleep sometime after the first half year. Many of us discover its not so straightforward as that. So, we cope as best we can, forming routines that are practical for our child and us. We do what seems to work best picked from the guidance our pediatrician, baby books, family and friends suggest. When a new developmental phase brings new challenges, the things we've done in the past may not work consistently anymore and we can start to feel desperate again for a solid night's sleep.
Did you and your partner discuss and make joint decisions about your shared values and individual needs around sleeping arrangements and bedtime routines? Some families do, and others sort of fall into what they do without thinking about it. Some families find they loved co-sleeping in the family bed with their two year old--until their child's sleep patterns started to change, interfering with their own. Some co-sleeping families don't think through at the beginning what their eventual exit strategy might be and when to implement it. Whatever routines and arrangements your family has created or adopted, one thing will be true: they will change and morph many times over as your child gets older.
Do you suddenly have a midnight rambler in the dead of night wanting to crawl into your bed with you? A very early riser that wants you the moment they wake? Is your child adding more and more requests to their already lengthy bedtime routine?
Some of these changes are common and predictable. They are typical of developmental stages. For instance, many children around age three will start having sleep disturbances such as night terrors and nightmares. Others will become anxious at bedtime about things lurking in the dark or making sounds outside the window when you leave the room. Three is a typical age when children, waking or sleeping, begin experiencing fears, especially in response to stress and upsetting things that happen to them and their family. Other common triggers for nightmares are animals that are frightening to them (this is probably the most common of all early nightmares). Also be mindful of films and TV programs, news reports, and story plots that contain scary (to them) scenes. Believe it or not, using children's primal fear of losing a parent is the number one plot device found in many "family" films (Bambi's mother, Simba's father, Nemo's mom, Tarzan's parents--you can probably think of many others). It can also be overwhelming for a preschooler to see any intense film scenes. Most Disney films actually contain scenes in which the intensity is too much for very young children. I can't tell you how many parents have reported their preschooler being deathly afraid of Scar in the Lion King. There's a reason Mr. Rogers' slow-paced and gentle television programming was as low-key as it was. It was perfectly paced for its intended audience of preschool age children.
Whatever your child's current sleep challenges, there are ways to make it better. It does take a mutual agreement between parents and a firm commitment to follow through consistently with the strategy they've chosen until the child is able to form a new pattern. Here is an article I wrote a couple years ago about summer and sleep problems that includes a very helpful list of things to try for various situations. Try one or two of the tips and let me know how it they work for you.
Below are links for you to explore some of the books on sleep available from our lending library (cupboard under the sign-in sheet in the lobby). And click on this link to a previous article I wrote specifically on how much sleep children need per night and establishing a bedtime routine. I am wishing you and your little ones more restful ZZZzzzzs in the near future.
The Sleep Book for Tired Parents
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
Take Charge of Your Child's Sleep
Teach Your Child to Sleep: Solving sleep problems from newborn through childhood
Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler
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