Summer Sleep Tips for Parents of Preschoolers

Three is a common age when children start to experience nightmares and can express a growing fear of the dark and things that go bump in the night. From age 3 to 5 many parents tell us that their child has started waking up in the night and wants to come into bed with them. Others have started trying to extend bedtime routines (one more story, get me a glass of water, please snuggle with me, don’t leave, etc.).

Having a consistent bedtime and bedtime routine is your best ally in ensuring your child gets to sleep and gets enough sleep. Children this age need 11 to 13 hours of sleep each night. When sleep disturbances or resistance to bedtime starts, remaining consistent with the structure of your child’s bedtime routine will really help.

Some children become overtired; this can make it harder for them to settle down to fall asleep. They appear to ramp up in energy when tired rather than lose steam. When this appears to be happening, starting your bedtime routine 15 minutes to a half hour earlier rather than letting the child stay up later will help.

Expect Northwest summers to cause sleep challenges, too. In high summer it starts getting light at 4:30 AM and it is not dark until 11:00 PM. The hottest time of day is about 5:00 PM, making it hard to cool down bedrooms by sleep time. Birds start making a racket at 5:00 AM, and people are out in their yards making noise until very late. Open windows let noise in. Trying to fall asleep in a hot and light room can be very hard.

Some Things to Try

Things that can relax a child and help them better fall asleep:

• ·         Keep all family and personal screens off in the evening until children are soundly asleep (tablets, video games, televisions, computers, smart phones, etc. are stimulating for young children and can make it hard to relax into a sleep state).

• ·         Take a calming family walk around the block after dinner with no agenda, enjoying each other’s company, just taking time to get a little relaxing movement in and to be together. Ten or fifteen minutes in the fresh air is immensely relaxing for most children.

• ·         Try making a nightly bath part of the bedtime routine. Bathing is very relaxing for most people. A little tub time can also be a lifesaver on especially hot evenings. Starting bedtime routines early enough to include a bath can help most children fall asleep easier at any time of year. For a bit of whimsy on super hot evenings, let your child enjoy an after dinner Popsicle while sitting in the bath, cooling them off with a bit of fun and novelty and easy drippy chin clean up combined!

• ·         A dairy product such as milk or yogurt ingested 20 to 30 minutes before bed and tooth brushing time can help many children feel sleepier when their heads hit the pillow.

• ·         A soft night light and an open bedroom door can reassure a child who has started fearing the dark.

• ·         If your child is particularly sensitive to light such as a street light or another light source outside their window, you can buy the type of roller shades that block all light.

• ·         If your child is particularly sensitive to voices and household noises after they are in bed, you can create “white noise” by placing a fan in their room or tuning a bedside radio between stations to get soft static (particularly helpful in a pinch when trying to sleep at someone else’s house or a hotel while on vacation). There are also bedside white noise machines or soothing nature sounds devices you can purchase. Some are paired with bedside night lights or imbedded in “lovies” and stuffed animals.

• ·         Only use these assistive devices if your child is particularly sensitive to sensory stimuli at bedtime or is away from home and it seems to be the only effective sleep aid. Try to use the least intervention possible. You don’t want your child to develop intolerance to all noise or light if it doesn’t exist already. 

When scary animals, bogymen and other fears disturb sleep:

• ·         Acknowledge how real a fright the child may have experienced and ask open-ended questions before attempting to sooth. (“Wow, you sound upset. Can you tell me about what woke you up?”) Discounting or minimalizing their experience in an attempt to get them back to bed can prolong their heightened sense of fear (“You’re okay, it was only a dream. There are no alligators in your room.”)

• ·         Remember your physical presence aids your child’s ability to physically calm down.

• ·         A preemptive and good humored “shooing away the scary things” ritual before the child hops into bed can be a great comfort. Some parents quickly go through the room with their child, peeking under the bed, into closets and corners and banish anything that might be lurking there. “Time to get out of here you silly things that don’t belong!”

• ·         If your child starts to make a habit of crawling into your bed when they wake, you might hold a 5 minute family meeting some Saturday morning and decide on some ground rules. Express that parents and children both need lots of sleep and coming into your room every night is a problem you all need to come up with ideas to help solve. Ask the child to generate ideas of what they can do for themselves if they wake up in the night, and posit some suggestions yourself that they might try. You might give them something personal of yours to snuggle. If you want to avoid being woken up while your child is in this midnight wanderer phase, you can purchase a cheap children’s sleeping bag and keep it tucked under the end of your bed. Make an agreement with your child that if they come into your room they may not wake you but they may cuddle up on the floor near you in the cozy bag. 

Finally, remember that a child falling and remaining asleep is one of the three things parents have no control over. We can’t force a child to sleep when we want, to eliminate when it’s convenient for us, or to eat what we wish they would. That is not to say we have no influence to assist children in establishing some self-regulation and healthy habits in these areas; but, we are always bound to failure if these become points for a power struggle. We can try to gain child cooperation in respectful and honest ways (avoiding bribery), and we can pull out some creative ideas to reconnect with a child when a war of wills seems about to start. We can try to keep a considerate attitude about the child’s individual needs. When we’ve got consistent routines in place, remain calm as changes come up, put away unhelpful ideas of how it “should” be, and exercise patience when all else fails, we have done the best we can do. I am wishing you well with your family’s sleep.