We've learned in parenting our kids that undivided attention from us is what they most crave and enjoy. What has your child done recently to engage you? Something charming? Noteworthy? A misbehavior? They will attempt to connect with us in most any way they can think of..We adults tend to have crazy schedules and "to do" lists that distract us. What better gift, treat, or surprise could we lavish on our child than to spend time rolling a ball back and forth, singing a silly song and dancing together, listening attentively as they talk about something important to them? This is the best gift to them ever, to be fully present with them and have no agenda.
Try this for a Valentine's gift to your child (and yourself) instead of any token you might purchase for them: do something with your child that you mutually enjoy for just 10 minutes each day, concentrating on your warm feelings for your child and all the special and unique gifts s/he has brought into your life. Turn the focus of your thoughts to the joy and delight this child often brings you, and cultivate an attentiveness that allows you to experience the simple yet enormous gift of being together with no distractions. Nurturing your relationship through being attentive will bring more fun, more insight into your child, a closer bond, and perhaps more cooperation during times when our attention must be elsewhere :-).
Please share with us in the blog comments area what you have enjoyed doing with your children. What have been your experiences as you've tried to be attentive and present? What works and doesn't work for you? Is it easy or difficult? Where do you make this kind of time and space in your day? We'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas!
-Kim
I find it very challenging to not pay attention to my phone for emails from work. If I am able to keep that away I notice I am able to pay attention and be fully present.
ReplyDeleteBecky,
ReplyDeleteThanks for that observation. What do you do to "keep that away"? In the age of smart phones it is a common challenge for all of us. I've noticed a big difference at the park, for instance. Where just 5 years ago I might see an adult take a call if their mobile phone rang when they were pushing their child on the swings, now I commonly see adults using the other aspects of their devices to "get work done" while the kids are playing. Fine once in awhile but not as a habit if we value spending interactive time. How do we turn our attention away from the things we feel we must be doing around the house or get our mind off of monitoring stuff for work?
-Kim